The Ayahuasca Diary

The Ayahuasca Diary

The folklore is full of incredible stories about ayahuasca.
Amazing stories so far fetched that your first instinctive reaction would be to think : it is horseshit !
It is damn’ horseshit !
What else could it be ?

For instance, the “calling” which every ayahuasca user would have had.
This sudden desire to experience the power of the shamanic plants.
The feeling of being ready.
I’ll do it !
And nothing could discourage you to go for it.

I guess that’s exactly what happened to me.
Et merde…


I’ve first heard of Ayahuasca about 5 years ago.
And my immediate reaction was : it sounds like horseshit.
And it is a fucking drug !
And everyone knows that drug is bad.
And, I don’t need that.
And more than anything else : I am scared of it.
I was terrified of it.
The loss of control, the Hellish visions, potentially experiencing your own death.
No way !
What for ?
Tell me, what for ?

But then, ayahuasca references kept popping up occasionally in my life.
The sites I was browsing, the articles, the literature…
Still, I couldn’t see myself taking ayahuasca.
The fear was so strong.
And actually, it was my main issue.
Not only regarding ayahuasca, but in general: fear was driving all my actions.
That’s it.
I was perpetually scared about everything and anything.
Primary about death and dying though.

I could go on for ages on this.
But to make a long story short, I reached a point were I couldn’t take it anymore.
I was just miserable, fake with others, full of myself and a total dick.
With such a big ego.
Something had to change.
At this point enters Coaching.
Yes, I know, tell me about it.
How much do I want to ridicule myself ?
I know…
But Coaching helped me to face the hard reality and to start working on myself.

Thing is, after a while, ayahuasca didn’t sound such a weird thing to do anymore.
Studying the subject more seriously, listening to the Joe Rogan Experience podcast and reading about DMT, made me slowly changed my mind.
The calling ?
I wanted to drink ayahuasca.
Even if I was shitting my pants at the idea, I knew that the only way to kill my fears was to face them, to dive into them, to experience them fully.
But still, I had the intention, but didn’t do anything about it.

Untill, I heard Amber Lyon, the former CNN journalist, on the Duncan Trussell Family Hour podcast, describing her ayahuasca experiences.
That has been the turning point, from wishing drinking the brew to actually pay for the 3 ayahusca ceremonies in the SpiritVine center.
I had to do this.
I had to do this.
I had to do this.
The calling ?
Yes !
I flew to Brazil the 12th December.
And the rest is described in this long audio journal.
A very long one.
You cand find the time stamps for each day down below to make it easier for you.
Btw, the youtube version contains some short movies about the place -in day 1, day 2 and day 3-

If you look for ayahuasca in Wikipedia, it is written, under the effect section :”People who have consumed ayahuasca report having spiritual revelations regarding their purpose on Earth, the true nature of the universe as well as deep insight into how to be the best person they possibly can. This is viewed by many as a spiritual awakening and what is often described as a rebirth. In addition, it is often reported that individuals feel they gain access to higher spiritual dimensions and make contact with various spiritual or extra-dimensional beings who can act as guides or healers”
Did I experience all this ?
No spiritual or extra-dimensional beings though.
But how to be the best person for sure.
Still, it has been the most profound and life changing experience I ever had.
Yes, really.
See, I feel my ego has been severely kicked in the ass.
Beaten to nothing.
Definitely, I feel humbled by the entire experience.

Do i think it is all magical and stuff ?
What difference does it make ?
It doesn’t matter at all really.
Yeah, at all !
What matters is the effect it had on others, it had on me.
And I know for sure that I will go back to the SpiritVine retreat center.
Ready to discover more.
It has been such a perfect place for me. (and no, I don’t receive any commission from them).

Bottom line, I feel I am just starting this journey.
With almost no fear…
How amazing is that !

Download the podcast (right-click, save link as)

Time Stamps:

  • From 00:00 to 04:31 – Day 1, in Dubai airport, Terminal 3 (including video clips on Youtube).
  • From 04:31 to 09:50 – Day 2, in SpiritVine Retreat Center, Brazil (including video clips on Youtube).
  • From 09:50 to 10:12 – Day 3, 3 hours before the first Ayahuasca Ceremony (including video clips on Youtube).
  • From 10:12 to 48:55 – Day 4, Recap of the First Ayahuasca Ceremony.
  • From 48:55 to 01:20:44 – Day 7, Recap of the Second Ayahuasca Ceremony
  • From 01:20:44 to end – Day 8, Recap of the Third Ayahuasca Ceremony


Useful Links:

Olivier Larvor